Your message might be picking a fight

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Imagine you're about to wash the dishes(top annoying chore because when does it end?)

You're mentally preparing to get up and tackle that sink.

Then someone walks into the room and says:

"You need to wash those dishes."

And suddenly, you feel a shift.

You were JUST about to do it!

But now? You might let those dishes sit a little longer. Out of spite.

Because somehow, something you were perfectly willing to do now feels like an obligation.

It might feel petty, but it's a surprisingly useful window into human behavior.

Sometimes, how we communicate something can create resistance to the very thing we're encouraging.

And for those of us trying to tell stories that inform, persuade, or inspire change, that's worth understanding.

When helpful messages backfire

Think about vaccination communication(tis the season).

Public health professionals want people to make informed decisions that protect their health and their communities.

The evidence supporting recommended vaccines is important. So is communicating that evidence accurately.

Plug into the Public Health Communications Collaborative for their amazing free resources

But consider a message that says:

“You need to get vaccinated. It’s the responsible thing to do.”

The intention is understandable.

But depending on the audience, that message might land as a judgment, a demand, or an attempt to control their choices.

Something else is happening in that sentence, too.

When we say getting vaccinated is “the responsible thing to do,” what might that suggest about someone who doesn’t?

The message may never explicitly say any of that.

But audiences respond not just to what we mean. They also respond to what our words imply.

If someone feels judged or pressured, they may focus more on defending themselves than on what we’re trying to communicate.

There’s a psychological explanation for this.

When we tell stories, we usually have a destination in mind.

We want people to understand a problem, recognize an injustice, consider a solution, or take action.

And sometimes, we get so focused on getting people there that we start pushing.

We explain what they should believe.

We announce what they need to do.

That’s where things can go sideways.

The more cornered people feel, the harder it is for them to stay open.

Instead, consider how your story could create space for curiosity, reflection, and choice.

You can still make a clear recommendation. You can still advocate for meaningful action.

A key difference is how much room your audience feels they have to engage.

🛠️ The PHacilitator’s Corner: Try the Agency Audit

Before you publish your next story, presentation, or campaign message, find one sentence telling your audience what they must think, feel, or do.

Then ask:

1. Where’s the pressure? Look for words like must, should, or need to.

2. Where’s the choice? Consider how your audience can engage with the information or decide what to do next.

3. Where’s the invitation? Rewrite that sentence to encourage reflection, curiosity, or an informed next step.

Try these starters:

• “Here’s something worth considering...”

• “What might change if...?”

• “Here are a few things to know before deciding...”

Sometimes, a small change in how we communicate can determine whether someone is willing to listen.

How’d I do?